Keep Your Mouth Shut!

"Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut."

Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)

     I was watching a comedy special on Netflix recently and I heard a comedian say that there are three questions he needed to ask before he said anything. The way he presented it was pretty funny and was only meant for the purpose of entertaining the audience (because the a lot of his stand-up proved that he didn't really use those questions to bridle his tongue), but as he was speaking, this verse (Proverbs 10:19) came to mind and I really began to consider the wisdom in these three questions that this comedian had jokingly come up with. If you take them seriously, they really can be a great help. They've actually stuck with me and helped me quite a bit, so I thought I'd share them you. Do have trouble holding your tongue and knowing when you should or shouldn't speak? Here's three quick, sensible questions to ask yourself that may help you decide when you should just "keep your mouth shut".

1). "Does this NEED to be said?"
     Honestly, most comments and remarks will probably be prevented by asking this simple question. Does it really NEED to be said? It might make you happy to say it. It might help you make a point. It might be witty or clever. It might even be funny to those around you. BUT it also might not be Christ-like to say. Or it could cause you a lot of problems. Or maybe damage a relationship. Think before you speak. Our speech should follow the principle of Ephesians 4:29 that says " Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Is it going to be good and helpful for the person your saying to? To those around you who will hear it? (also see Proverbs10:32)

2). "Does this need to be said BY ME?" 
     There are several moments when you'll answer yes to the first question. Yes, something definitely needs to be said! I think of when the prophet Nathan came to speak to King David about his affair with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12) and when the prophet Jeremiah spoke of how he could not withhold himself from speaking about the Lord (Jeremiah 20:9). (also see Proverbs 31:8-9) But many times if you'll ask this question even when something needs to be said, you'll discover that you're not the person who should speak up. Think: Do I have a relationship with this person that gives me the authority to speak into their lives? Will I be out of line, or stepping out of bounds by being the one to say this? Will this comment be inappropriate coming from me? Maybe your role is simply to bring it to the attention of someone who does have the authority and position to speak up and say something. Then again, maybe you just need to be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

3). "Does this need to be said by me RIGHT NOW?" 
     So, you've asked yourself "Does this need to be said?" and answered "Yes, absolutely". Then you ask "Do this need to be said by me?" and you've decided that you are the person that needs to speak up. Now, it's wise to ask this final question: "Does this need to be said by me RIGHT NOW?" Timing is sometimes very crucial to the effectiveness of our words. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us that there is "a time to be quiet and a time to speak". If you openly rebuke someone in public, around all their friends, they may not receive your words simply because they've been embarrassed in front of everyone. Perhaps they will respond more positively if you speak to them in private. Conversely, sometimes it is best to rebuke publicly. Consider the story of David and Bathesheba we mentioned earlier. There's two things we can learn from this instance. One is that sometimes it's best to wait to speak. Did God send Nathan to confront David immediately after his affair with Bathsheba? No. In fact, Nathan didn't go speak to David until the baby had already been born. 9 Months! Secondly, in this case, because David was the king over Israel, God saw fit to make this rebuke publicly and "openly in the sight of all Israel" (2 Samuel 12:12). We need to be in constant communication with God as we decide when and how to open our mouths to speak.

     I hope this helps you as you encounter moments where you question whether or not to speak up or to make a comment. Every day you need to be careful to think before you speak. Proverbs 29:20 tells us that " There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking." Don't be a fool. Think before you speak, and just maybe these three questions will help you do just that.

YOUR NEXT STEP: Try to apply these questions this week. Apply them when you're speaking to people at work or at school. Ask yourself these questions before you comment or post on Facebook or Twitter. Maybe even memorize Proverbs 10:19 to remind you. Try it out and let me know if it helped you!

In Christ,
Ryan Fillinger
Fusion Church
Fountain, CO

The "Good 'Ole Days"

     Recently I've had a song stuck in head. This isn't an uncommon occurrence for me, but this song in particular has special meaning to me. The song is called "The Family of God" by Bill and Gloria Gaither. (If you're curious you can hear it here: http://youtu.be/vU-wuB5aK0U) While I'm not really a Gaither fan (although I did go to my fair share of "Gaither Homecomings" as a kid) and I haven't sang the song in years, it's the memories attached to the song that I enjoy. 

My old church from childhood, Morrilton Baptist Temple.

     Every Sunday morning as a kid, after my family had been greeted at the door by Brother Woody with his big smile and Mrs. Rosemary desperately tried to get me and my best friend Kyle to pay attention in Sunday School as we memorized Psalm 119:105, my family and I would finally make our way to our seats in the sanctuary (5 rows back, on the right side). The Pastor would welcome everyone and Mrs. Rachel would begin her beautiful piano-playing as she started the song "Family of God" and everyone was instructed to greet the people around you. As a kid, this meant that old ladies would pinch your cheek, the men would shake your hand firmly and say "My, you're getting big", and me and my friend Kyle would make our way to the back to conspire with each other about who would ask their parents if they could come over after church. These were the Good 'Ole Days for me.

     It doesn't matter if you're 25, 45, or 85 years old, you've probably at one time or another found yourself referring back to the good 'ole days, a time when things we're less busy, simpler, care-free, and just better (and gas prices we're lower). Honestly, though, everyone's "good 'ole days" came with it's own set of problems, mistakes, and issues. I grew up in the 90's when we had the O.J. Simpson murder trial, the Jon-Benet murder, an embarrassing presidential affair, the Gulf War, scrunchies, Crystal Pepsi, and Pauly Shore. But I had no clue. I was oblivious. I was a kid. And they were the good 'ole days.

     Consider this thought: these are the "good 'ole days" for your kids right now.

     It may not seem like it to you, because you're probably busier than ever, you're dealing with stress at work, financial strain, and family crisis', but for them these are the times that your kids or grandkids will look back on as that simpler, better time known as the good 'ole days.

     So, how can you be sure that these times become great times for your kids, even if they're not the best for you? Here's a few tips to help:

     1. Make Time for Family and Make that Time Count. Be sure to intentionally carve out some time in your week and your day to focus completely on your kids. Go outside, leave your phone, iPad, and books inside and just play with your kids. They probably won't remember all your air-tight excuses for the time you can't spend with them, what they'll remember are those afternoons that you set everything down and did something special with them.

Screen shot from a home movie we made.

     2. Make Small Moments Big. My family never had a lot of money to go on extravagant vacations, but we did go on bike rides down dirt roads, have games nights with other families, pull out the video camera and make silly movies (my favorite activity). They didn't cost much to anything to do, but they felt like big moments that I still remember fondly.
     3. Live Like God is in Control and You Trust Him. When the television tells you that the world is a mess and danger is around every corner, live and talk and interact with your kids is such a way that they know there is a God that is bigger than every problem and you can trust Him no matter what.

Your Next Step: Think about what made the good 'ole days for you. What are some ways that you're making right now the good 'ole days for your kids? What are some ways this week that you can create some fond memories with your kids?

In Christ,
Ryan Fillinger
Fusion Church
Fountain, CO