"Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut."
Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)
I was watching a comedy special on Netflix recently and I heard a comedian say that there are three questions he needed to ask before he said anything. The way he presented it was pretty funny and was only meant for the purpose of entertaining the audience (because the a lot of his stand-up proved that he didn't really use those questions to bridle his tongue), but as he was speaking, this verse (Proverbs 10:19) came to mind and I really began to consider the wisdom in these three questions that this comedian had jokingly come up with. If you take them seriously, they really can be a great help. They've actually stuck with me and helped me quite a bit, so I thought I'd share them you. Do have trouble holding your tongue and knowing when you should or shouldn't speak? Here's three quick, sensible questions to ask yourself that may help you decide when you should just "keep your mouth shut".
1). "Does this NEED to be said?"
Honestly, most comments and remarks will probably be prevented by asking this simple question. Does it really NEED to be said? It might make you happy to say it. It might help you make a point. It might be witty or clever. It might even be funny to those around you. BUT it also might not be Christ-like to say. Or it could cause you a lot of problems. Or maybe damage a relationship. Think before you speak. Our speech should follow the principle of Ephesians 4:29 that says " Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Is it going to be good and helpful for the person your saying to? To those around you who will hear it? (also see Proverbs10:32)
2). "Does this need to be said BY ME?"
There are several moments when you'll answer yes to the first question. Yes, something definitely needs to be said! I think of when the prophet Nathan came to speak to King David about his affair with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12) and when the prophet Jeremiah spoke of how he could not withhold himself from speaking about the Lord (Jeremiah 20:9). (also see Proverbs 31:8-9) But many times if you'll ask this question even when something needs to be said, you'll discover that you're not the person who should speak up. Think: Do I have a relationship with this person that gives me the authority to speak into their lives? Will I be out of line, or stepping out of bounds by being the one to say this? Will this comment be inappropriate coming from me? Maybe your role is simply to bring it to the attention of someone who does have the authority and position to speak up and say something. Then again, maybe you just need to be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
3). "Does this need to be said by me RIGHT NOW?"
So, you've asked yourself "Does this need to be said?" and answered "Yes, absolutely". Then you ask "Do this need to be said by me?" and you've decided that you are the person that needs to speak up. Now, it's wise to ask this final question: "Does this need to be said by me RIGHT NOW?" Timing is sometimes very crucial to the effectiveness of our words. Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us that there is "a time to be quiet and a time to speak". If you openly rebuke someone in public, around all their friends, they may not receive your words simply because they've been embarrassed in front of everyone. Perhaps they will respond more positively if you speak to them in private. Conversely, sometimes it is best to rebuke publicly. Consider the story of David and Bathesheba we mentioned earlier. There's two things we can learn from this instance. One is that sometimes it's best to wait to speak. Did God send Nathan to confront David immediately after his affair with Bathsheba? No. In fact, Nathan didn't go speak to David until the baby had already been born. 9 Months! Secondly, in this case, because David was the king over Israel, God saw fit to make this rebuke publicly and "openly in the sight of all Israel" (2 Samuel 12:12). We need to be in constant communication with God as we decide when and how to open our mouths to speak.
I hope this helps you as you encounter moments where you question whether or not to speak up or to make a comment. Every day you need to be careful to think before you speak. Proverbs 29:20 tells us that " There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking." Don't be a fool. Think before you speak, and just maybe these three questions will help you do just that.
YOUR NEXT STEP: Try to apply these questions this week. Apply them when you're speaking to people at work or at school. Ask yourself these questions before you comment or post on Facebook or Twitter. Maybe even memorize Proverbs 10:19 to remind you. Try it out and let me know if it helped you!
In Christ,
Ryan Fillinger
Fusion Church
Fountain, CO
